Tangled heartstrings

I guess I'm holding you too tight. But I can't let myself to lose grip even for a few seconds. I feel like a tinpot dictator, a brutal ruler who is hated by people. I know all those words I've said have made you sad in a certain way, I'm deeply apologetic. I can't help but to feel this way, I'm sorry for being so darn foolish. Sometimes the emotional burden is so heavy that I wish for you to leave me and let me suffer all these pain alone, but I need you by my side forever. I can't imagine life without your presence, your silliness, your aloofness, your ignorance, your stubborness. At least I know when I crash to the rock bottom, you will be there for me. I'm really thankful for all that you've done. Your love to me, is like my drug. When you're gone, I crash and crave for you. With you around I get so high (sometimes angry, because you just won't talk much). So yeah, forgive me for being so selfish, I blame myself, for loving you too much.